my life in san diego. and other places.

Break-Up / Make-Up

So I think it’s pretty tragic that it ended that in the typical gay story. He cheated. We were at Pride and he threw almost five years away for a random. The worst was he wasn’t even hot! Somehow I felt it was my fault. I kept thinking that I wasn’t enough — not hot enough, personality sucks, etc. I felt the blame was on me for some reason.

A month later, we had our trip to Asia that we planned when we were still together. I didn’t spend that much money to just throw it away. I was going to go whether he liked it or not. And, let me say, he did not want me going! I found it so weird that throughout the break up, he was always more mad at me than me at him. On the way up, I told him that I want to have the best trip possible and that means I’m going to be cordial to him and I would like the same respect from him. This was our trip and we could make it however we wanted, whether it be good or bad. It’s our decision. For my part, I wanted to be an amazing trip. Luckily, he agreed too and we really formed our friendship back from that trip. I feel like I’m a forgiving person. I can always forgive but I definitely won’t forget!

When we came back, we returned to best friend status. We hung out and we had good times. I was also talking to guys though and I eventually met one that I starting monogomously dating. He was nice and we hung out a lot. My ex immediately stopped talking to me after he found out… But with my new guy, I wasn’t sure if it was the fact that I was just cheated on but I had the same feeling about him after a month. He also was heavily drinking and I’ve never seen someone get the way he did when he got wasted. Combining those two things and that I just started school, I used being too busy as the excuse to break up.

After we broke up, I told my ex and we started talking again. By then, he started dating someone too. We decided we had a history and we could maintain a best friend relationship and that’s where we are at. His boyfriend at the time told him that he didn’t like him that much and also didn’t like him hanging out with an ex (me) and they eventually broke it off. I was a little happy about that. I sort of felt good about it that he got his heart broken since that’s what he did to me. I felt guilty for feeling so good about it, though. After their break up, I took him out for a day of fun — lunch, the beach, and dinner — to get his mind off of it. After feeling happy and then guilty, I felt sad for him. He was still my friend and I feel for him. He cried and I consoled him. He told me that this wasn’t nearly what he went through when we broke up. Something I thought was weird since it was him that cheated on me, not the other way around… I wanted to tell him he did that to himself but now wasn’t the time.

Currently, we are still friends and are on great terms. I hold no ill feelings towards him. I’m not sure if that is normal.

Oh, The Changes!

I apologize for the lack of posting. I speak as if I have a following at all! If there is anyone out there reading, much has changed in my life in the short time that I have stopped posting. Some of it good, some of it bad. All of it a great learning lesson and a way for me to grow. Sadly, I’ve become one of the many to fail the #100HappyDays challenge. Maybe one day, I’ll begin again and finish all the way through. 

In the month and ten days since I last posted, I became single after four years, I travelled to Taiwan, I finished summer session with an A, I went to a scholarship orientation that opened me up, and I enrolled in my classes at my new university! My life is so dramatically different now and I owe all of it to my experiences this past month. I can go into detail into the major events like my break up and my trip later but just wanted to check in on my blog. I want to keep continuing to post everyday like before. It’s just so weird to look back on my posts and see how my priorities have changed. What I view as important in my life has done a 180. 

Onward and forward. 

25/100 Happy Days. (Day 38)

Currently, I’m happy about my diet. Since doing the Master Cleanse, I’ve been trying and succeeding in eating in a different way than I normally do. Today, I’ve eaten a healthy breakfast with an equally healthy snack prepared for school. I’m also trying to eat more smaller meals in a day than a few larger meals. That so far, I’m sticking to as well. All I need is to stick to an exercise routine. I’ve also been pretty productive around the house and have kept my room pretty clean and even cleaned out my car. Next, I’m going through all my stuff and giving it away or selling the worthy items from my room and the garage.🙂

24/100 Happy Days. (Day 37)

Today was pretty awesome. It was my grandma’s 95th birthday and my sister threw her a surprise birthday party. She was so surprised and even started tearing up. It’s crazy because she was the only daughter that her mother had and from just her, the family is so huge!

I’m pretty shy so I didn’t socialize that much but it was good to know my grandma had a great time with her family. I’m glad I got to help out and set up for the party and that she thoroughly enjoyed it!

23/100 Happy Days. (Day 36).

I’m happy to be alive! Nothing in particular happened where I was close to death but just happy to have another day🙂 #Appreciative

22/100 Happy Days. (Day 35)

I’m happy for handling some business yesterday and making some monaaayyyyy!!! Hey, getting my trip money!

22/100 Happy Days. (Day 34)

Today I’m happy for the fact that I’m surviving this juice fast / cleanse / detox. It’s amazing how I’m oak and not hungry. Although, whenever there is food around I’m eyeballing the shit out of it. My willpower keeps me from eating it though.

21/100 Happy Days. (Day 33)

I had a good day at work today.

My supervisor came up to me and told me I was doing a great job and setting a terrific example for everyone at work! She even awarded me with two tickets for our raffle. (Our work has a yearly raffle. When you do something great, you are awarded with a ticket in the raffle). She handed a few members of our team a ticket but when it was my turn, I got two! This one guy at work was bragging because he got one. He was telling me how great he was that he got one and implying that I didn’t get one. I let him brag for a little while before I showed him that I got two. He was really jealous after that and wouldn’t stop bugging me all day about it. HA! I have such ups and downs with this job. Today was a complete high.

Photo Credit.

20/100 Happy Days. (Day 32)

My boyfriend tried the Master Cleanse a year ago but didn’t last on it too long. The Master Cleanse is a juice fast diet that is supposed to cleanse your body of all the toxins and give you a fresh, healthy recharge. For however many days you do it, you are basically surviving off of a juice mixture of lemon juice, water, maple syrup and cayenne pepper.

A couple of days ago, he wanted to try it again. He researched it and printed out some information on it so I can read it as well and see if I wanted to try it. I remember a personal trainer that I Lyfted telling me about how to change my diet and fitness routine. He said its good to start with a cleanse and he recommended this one, then after a strict diet and exercise routine. Having what he said in mind, I agreed to do it with my BF. It starts with a gradual process into eating less. The first day, we only ate live foods — salads, fruits, etc but no processed food. The next day we only ate liquids — juice, smoothies and soups. The third day we only had orange juice.

Today is the first day of the actual cleanse. We prepared parts of the mixture but will mix it all together right before we drink it. We both have school and he has work after so we made it portable. I just drank a mixture in-between this sentence and the last. It’s not horrible if you just chug it. I plan on doing it for only three days but my BF wants to do it for five. After the three days, I have to do what I did before the juice fast but in reverse. I will only drink orange juice for one day, other liquids the second day and live foods on the third. I plan on eating better and sticking to mainly a pescatarian diet after. (My camping trip will be the exception until I decide I want to eat meat again).

For not eating that much in a few days, I feel okay. I’m surprisingly not hungry except when a food commercial comes on tv. I’ve all of a sudden thought KFC looks really good which I haven’t eaten in a long time.

Photo Credit.

19/100 Happy Days. (Day 31)

It’s my one month blogiversary!

I’ve be been officially blogging for a month straight with at least one post every day. I’m pretty excited to have accomplished that because it was something I didn’t think I would ever stick to! Nor was it my intention to blog everyday when I first started but it happened that way. Now I just need to accomplish my 100 Happy Days, which this accomplishment makes me think I will be able to complete it.

Hmm, in a month I don’t think I’ve changed much from my original post. I’m still waiting to go to the UC school and majoring in Chemistry. I am currently working on my diet and exercise routine. As of right now, my exercise routine isn’t stable and I haven’t made it a priority. This is something I need to change. It’s a wonder I didn’t change because I feel so good after I do exercise. My relationship is still intact and doing well. We are planning on moving out together soon. My summer class is going great since I have a 100% in the class at the moment. I have plans to scratch some items off my bucket list this upcoming month. The next month after that I will be going to another country. The next month will be moving out month and the month following that will be my entrance into the university. Such exciting months ahead.

Some goals for next month:
-Make working out a priority
-Make healthy food choices always
-Focus on spending my time productively
-Spend wisely

Photo Credit.