Break-Up / Make-Up

by sdlifer

So I think it’s pretty tragic that it ended that in the typical gay story. He cheated. We were at Pride and he threw almost five years away for a random. The worst was he wasn’t even hot! Somehow I felt it was my fault. I kept thinking that I wasn’t enough — not hot enough, personality sucks, etc. I felt the blame was on me for some reason.

A month later, we had our trip to Asia that we planned when we were still together. I didn’t spend that much money to just throw it away. I was going to go whether he liked it or not. And, let me say, he did not want me going! I found it so weird that throughout the break up, he was always more mad at me than me at him. On the way up, I told him that I want to have the best trip possible and that means I’m going to be cordial to him and I would like the same respect from him. This was our trip and we could make it however we wanted, whether it be good or bad. It’s our decision. For my part, I wanted to be an amazing trip. Luckily, he agreed too and we really formed our friendship back from that trip. I feel like I’m a forgiving person. I can always forgive but I definitely won’t forget!

When we came back, we returned to best friend status. We hung out and we had good times. I was also talking to guys though and I eventually met one that I starting monogomously dating. He was nice and we hung out a lot. My ex immediately stopped talking to me after he found out… But with my new guy, I wasn’t sure if it was the fact that I was just cheated on but I had the same feeling about him after a month. He also was heavily drinking and I’ve never seen someone get the way he did when he got wasted. Combining those two things and that I just started school, I used being too busy as the excuse to break up.

After we broke up, I told my ex and we started talking again. By then, he started dating someone too. We decided we had a history and we could maintain a best friend relationship and that’s where we are at. His boyfriend at the time told him that he didn’t like him that much and also didn’t like him hanging out with an ex (me) and they eventually broke it off. I was a little happy about that. I sort of felt good about it that he got his heart broken since that’s what he did to me. I felt guilty for feeling so good about it, though. After their break up, I took him out for a day of fun — lunch, the beach, and dinner — to get his mind off of it. After feeling happy and then guilty, I felt sad for him. He was still my friend and I feel for him. He cried and I consoled him. He told me that this wasn’t nearly what he went through when we broke up. Something I thought was weird since it was him that cheated on me, not the other way around… I wanted to tell him he did that to himself but now wasn’t the time.

Currently, we are still friends and are on great terms. I hold no ill feelings towards him. I’m not sure if that is normal.

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